wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
