also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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