is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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