i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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