Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
