I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
