I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
