you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sorry about my life...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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