Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
