she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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