Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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