lets start a swedish sibling band together
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
