Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
