You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
