So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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