Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
