If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
