Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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