Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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