My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
