Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
