i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
its not stalking. its research.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
