I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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