if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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