she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
