I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
