I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My dick has a subreddit
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
