its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
