My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
