some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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