fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
