he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
