.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
