So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
