The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Mom said you looked used
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
