I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
how does that bad decision feel?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
