Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
