First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
