well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
