I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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