How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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