yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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