And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
