"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
