Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
