I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
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