trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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