I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
