He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
