you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
