Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
